A Soft Heart in a Hard World

As many of you know, on 17/02/26 we said goodbye to the Year of the Snake. Spiritually, this is the time when the universe prepares us for a brand new cycle the Year of the Fire Horse.Just like a snake sheds its skin, this period is all about letting go before stepping into the new year. It’s the perfect time to release bad energy, people, habits or situations that no longer belong in our lives.And honestly this is exactly what happened to me.Yes, things were tough. At times they felt confusing and painful. But now I can see it clearly it all had to happen to prepare me for the exciting future ahead.You know that feeling when you can sense something shifting? When you can almost feel it, taste it, smell it? That’s where I am now. It suddenly feels so obvious that everything was moving me toward a new chapter.Isn’t it strange how life works like that? How these big changes just seem to happen right when they’re meant for and the first time in a long time I feel truly excited about the future. 

When the Year of the Snake ended on 16 February 2026, many people felt a sense of relief. Suddenly there was clarity a feeling that everything was finally starting to make sense.Sometimes the process can feel brutal, because life seems to force you to let go of the things that are no longer good for you. But wow it really does work.You reach a point where you feel ready to move forward, ready to step into the next chapter. And it makes you realise that maybe things really do happen for a reason. 

We have now entered the Year of the Fire Horse and the last time this powerful energy appeared was 1966, almost 60 years ago.

The Fire Horse is known for bold movement, freedom, confidence and big life changes. It’s about stepping forward, taking risks and finally moving toward the life you’ve been preparing for.

And what makes this even more powerful is that this shift arrives alongside eclipse energy.

Eclipses are often seen as cosmic turning points. They speed things up, close old chapters and open new doors sometimes suddenly and unexpectedly. They bring endings, revelations and new beginnings all at once.

It’s like the universe presses fast forward.

So moving from the deep, emotional shedding of the Snake year into the bold, forward moving energy of the Fire Horse with eclipse energy in the mix feels like the ultimate push into a brand new chapter.

The message feels clear the clearing has happened now it’s time to move forward.

I have always felt that there is someone or something looking after me. Whether you call it God, angels or the universe, I’ve always believed there is a greater force at work.

I’ve been through a very painful transition in my life, and at the time I didn’t fully understand why it was happening. Yes, I knew deep down that I wasn’t in the right relationship, but I have always been someone who puts others first.

So much so, that it felt like the universe eventually stepped in and sorted things out for me.

And for that, I am eternally grateful.

I truly believe the opportunities that are coming my way are part of that journey. Like I said earlier, I can feel it. I can sense it. I just know something good is ahead.

What I’ve learned is that sometimes we have to let the universe do its thing. Trust that it knows what it’s doing.

I’m not doing anything extraordinary right now. I’m simply allowing myself to relax, breathe and trust that something bigger than I can explain has my back and I’m so grateful for that.

So if you’re worrying about what’s going to happen next, try not to panic. I know that’s easier said than done I’ve had many sleepless nights since Christmas myself.

But now I truly believe there is a greater force working behind the scenes.

As long as you are kind, and not hurting anyone, trust that things will work out the way they’re meant to.

Take a breath. Take a step back. And try to enjoy life.

And please remember, if you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here. You can find me on TikTok at @debdonut1. I will always be here for you, just as my friends were there for me.

Wishing you all a very successful, happy and healthy New Year.

Love always,
Debbie xxx

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Well, I learned something new today and it’s something I’ve wondered about my whole life.

Apparently, when I was a child, I experienced what is known as dissociation. From around the age of six through to my late teens, there were times when everything would suddenly go into slow motion.

I clearly remember one moment when I must have been about eight years old. I was on the swing in the garden while my grandad and mum were gardening nearby. As I swung back and forth, the swing gradually began to slow down. Then their voices slowed too like someone had turned the speed down on a cassette tape. Everything felt distorted and unreal.

This would last for about five minutes, and the only way I could bring myself back to normal was by putting music on. As strange as it sounds, music grounded me and returned everything to its proper pace.

It was a very odd experience, and it happened quite a lot when I was younger. At the time, I didn’t understand it I just knew it was real for me.

I now understand why this happened to me.

What I experienced as a child wasn’t random, and it wasn’t because there was something wrong with me. I’ve learned that dissociation in children is a protective response. It’s the mind’s way of stepping back when things feel overwhelming, even if there isn’t one obvious scary moment happening at the time.

As a child, my nervous system learned that switching off was sometimes safer than staying fully present. That’s why everything would slow down time, movement, even people’s voices. It wasn’t imagination. It was my body going into a freeze or detach mode to protect me.

What’s interesting is that this could happen even when things seemed calm. Nothing bad had to be happening in that moment. The body doesn’t work on logic it works on patterns. Once it learns a survival response, it can switch it on automatically.

The part that really stands out to me is how music helped. Music grounded me. It brought my senses back, steadied my breathing, and returned me to the present. Without realising it at the time, I had found my own way to regulate myself and feel safe again.

As I grew older, these episodes became less frequent. I gained more awareness, more control, and more ways to ground myself. My nervous system didn’t need to protect me in the same way anymore.

Looking back now, I don’t see this as weakness. I see it as my mind doing the best it could to keep me safe when I was young.

You may be asking yourself why this happened. The truth is, I did have a stressful childhood, and I was misunderstood a lot.

I’ll try to explain my situation without over indulging or upsetting anyone, because that’s never my intention.

My mum found herself pregnant at the age of nineteen. Unfortunately, at that time, it was very much the attitude that if you “got someone up the duff,” you married them. My mum and dad were not a match made in heaven, and that became clear very early on.Their marriage broke down when I was just three and a half months old.

My mum also had a very difficult childhood. She was a twin, and when she was still a baby, my nan was diagnosed with a mental illness and placed into an institution, where she received electric shock treatment.

It’s possible this was postnatal depression things weren’t understood or handled the way they are today. I’ve since learned information that would be enough to affect anyone’s mental health, but I’m not ready to go into that just yet.What I can say is that, knowing what I know now, it’s understandable why my mum struggled. I don’t say this to place blame only to add context.

My mum had experienced many situations in her own life that no child should ever witness or have done to them. Because of that, it’s understandable that when she became a young, single mum, she struggled. Unfortunately, I often bore the brunt of that struggle.

As a child, I was dyslexic and I have ADHD but neither were diagnosed at the time. Instead of support, I was labelled. I was known as “the village idiot”, a name given to me by my mum, along with others that no mother should ever say to her daughter.

I wasn’t just emotionally tormented through words and name calling there was physical pain too but the deepest scars were emotional. Those are the ones that stay with you the longest.

Over time, I learned to turn that torment into fuel. I used it to make myself stronger, to prove myself, to keep going when it would have been easier to stop. I struggled badly at school, which now makes complete sense, but when I find something I truly enjoy and connect with, I thrive.That’s when I excel in work, in business, and in life.

Now, I’m no angel far from it. I’ve had my struggles, especially bringing up three children on my own, and I fully own that. I often think to myself, “Oh my God, why did that happen?” or “Why did I do that?” But that’s life. Those are experiences, and they shape us.

I’m not feeling sorry for myself for my past. In fact, I can look back now and see it as a survival tool. I genuinely believe that if I hadn’t learned how to cope as a child, I wouldn’t have survived the stress of raising my children on my own. That’s something I’ll dive into deeper another day that’s a whole different chapter.

Finding out why everything used to go into slow motion was a real breakthrough for me. It explains so much. Understanding that I experienced dissociation as a child helped me make sense of things I’ve carried for years.

What I want to say is this: there’s no good sitting around feeling sorry for yourself. You have to get on with life. Use your negatives as positives. Thrive on your emotions. It’s true everything eventually catches up with you. I still suffer from nightmares and panic attacks, but they don’t define me.

And that’s the point.

Don’t be embarrassed by labels.
Don’t ever call yourself bad names.
Love yourself.
And look after you.

Most of you know about the breakup I went through over Christmas. What some of you might not know is that this is the first time in my life I’ve ever lived on my own and I can honestly say… it’s bloody amazing.

I’ve always been a people pleaser.
A feeder.
A single mum.
A carer.
A full-time worker.
The one who manages the home and keeps everything ticking over.For the first time ever, I can truly put myself first.And yes, of course I have sad moments. I miss my ex that’s only natural. But oh my goodness, there is something incredibly refreshing about realising I can just be. I can do what I want, when I want. Not that I was ever stopped from doing what I wanted, but when you live with someone and you naturally put them first especially when you’re a mum who’s spent her life looking after everyone else  you don’t notice you’ve stopped looking after you.

I used to have my “me time” maybe an hour a week to go for a swim or a walk but even then my mind was full.
What’s for dinner?
Have I washed the uniforms?
How am I picking the kids up when I’m working?You don’t realise it at the time, but you slowly lose yourself.

And yes, that’s part of life. I’m not saying we shouldn’t care or take responsibility of course we should. But what I’m saying is how unbelievably relaxing it is to stop planning for everyone else for a moment.Now I can listen to the music I like.
Watch what I want.
Enjoy peace and quiet no television on all day (that used to drive me mad).What I’m getting at is this: I truly believe people should spend time on their own at some point in their lives. Even go on holiday alone if they can. Find themselves again. Remember who they are.

If I had taken the time earlier to really relax and reconnect with myself, I think I would have felt things properly and dealt with life in a healthier way.

To be 57 and only have to worry about me in terms of living arrangements feels wonderful. Don’t get me wrong, I will always worry about my grown up kids and my grandchildren. That never goes away.

But honestly… when your home, your space, and your day are just yours it’s like a breath of fresh air.

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My message to you lovely lot 💙

Please remember  you matter too.

Don’t lose yourself. Take time for you, and not just an hour here and there. You need moments where you truly shut your mind off from everything else and focus on just you.

And I honestly think the best way to do that is to treat yourself the way you treat your children or the person you’re with. With care, thought, and love.

Yes, wouldn’t it be amazing to go away on your own for a week? But the truth is, not everyone can do that. I know I never could have.

So start small.
Instead of cooking what everyone else wants, eat what you want.
Have a proper me day  where it’s your choice of food, your music, your programme on the telly, your outing, your pace.

Do something just because you want to.

It isn’t selfish.
It’s giving yourself permission to be you.

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Here I am, sat on my own with my little dog Hamilton. I’ve literally seen one person in a week since the terrible Christmas I had.You might ask yourself if I’m feeling depressed, upset, or broken. On the contrary I’m feeling loved and amazed by all the love from my friends and family.There’s a saying from The Wizard of Oz:“A heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others.”And I really have felt the love.It’s amazing how many lovely friends I have. Some I haven’t seen for years. One friend I haven’t seen for over 30 years has kindly offered for me to go and stay with her in Jamaica how unbelievable is that? Another friend is away on holiday in Mexico. I haven’t seen her for about 15 years, yet she still calls me to see if I’m okay.The love and support I’ve had has been amazing.Then there’s my lovely TikTok family. I don’t like to call them followers, because the care and appreciation they show me is so unexpected. If you had told me before going on TikTok that I would meet such a wonderful community, I wouldn’t have believed it.

I’ve had friends checking up on me daily. I suppose people see through people they can smell bullshit a mile away. When I open my heart and you become my true friends, I believe people sense that. They know.I feel very loved.And for the first time in my life, even though I’m living on my own with no other humans, I can honestly say that for a very long time, I don’t feel alone.

I have been very lucky in my life to meet some amazing friends, and oh my God, am I thankful. Without their love and support, I couldn’t and probably wouldn’t have dealt with the breakup of my relationship.So although this has been a difficult and emotional time for me, all the lovely support I’ve had has made me feel very grateful .We should always treat people the way we would want to be treated. I’m a firm believer in that. We should always put the boot on the other foot and place ourselves in that person’s situation, because one day it could be us Let’s all be kind to one another, because really, there are a lot of lovely people out there.

So although last week I thought my world was crashing down, I’m very hopeful that I’m going to get over this now. This isn’t me being strong oh no it’s because of the love I’ve had from all my friends.

And with that being said, you don’t need to be a friend you’ve known for years. I’ve just moved to a village where no one really knows me, and even the lovely people in my village have been supportive.

I’m honestly honoured to know such lovely people. It just goes to show that the smallest acts of kindness can change your perspective on things and make you stronger.

So I’d like to end this with a big thank you to everyone. Please remember that a small act of kindness can change someone’s life for the better.

love Debbie xxxx

I decided to create this blog to support my journey as a content creator. I’ve spent weeks thinking, reflecting, and researching what my niche really is and the truth is, I’m passionate about many things.

I love my witchy bits and bobs and living with a positive mindset. I enjoy growing my own herbs and exploring alternative remedies. I’m deeply devoted to my pets Hamilton, my beautiful dog; Oreo, my son’s three legged cat who lives with us; and my aquarium, which I find endlessly fascinating. I also love making decoupage with oyster shells and selling them to raise money for the dog charity I rescued Hamilton from.

All of these things bring me joy, peace, and purpose.

But there is one subject that hit me like a sack of bricks this Christmas Day a question I’ve carried quietly for much of my life:

Why is it that the people I love most, and give my all to, end up hurting me?

I wish this was something I’d only felt once or twice, but the truth is, it’s been a pattern. Everyone I have loved deeply has, in some way, caused me pain. And if I’m being completely honest, I’m a bit of a glutton for punishment because it keeps happening, and I keep loving just as hard.

This blog is a space where I explore that question with honesty, kindness, and reflection. It’s not about blame. It’s about understanding, healing, and learning how to keep a soft heart without losing myself.

If you’ve ever loved deeply, hurt quietly, or wondered why kindness can sometimes feel like a weakness you’re not alone here.

I want to be clear I’m not trying to be morbid. I am a genuinely positive person. But once again, my heart was broken on Christmas Day of all days.

There is still a scared child inside me who hates conflict and wants to run away from it. And when I can’t run away, I do the only thing I know how to do I protect myself. Since Christmas, I’ve been here on my own, reflecting, sitting with my thoughts, and trying to understand something that has followed me throughout my life.

Why is it that the people you love, the people you would do anything for, can be so cruel and hurtful?

If this were the first time it had happened, it might be easier to accept. But it isn’t. This has been a pattern not once, not twice, but with everyone I have loved. And that is the part that hurts the most. It leaves me questioning not just others, but myself.

This isn’t about playing the victim or reopening old wounds. It’s about trying to make sense of the pain, so it no longer controls me. It’s about learning how to stay kind without being wounded, how to love without losing myself, and how to finally break a cycle that no longer serves me.

Now I know I’m in pain, and I accept that it’s going to hurt for a while. I’m not pretending otherwise. What I’m questioning is what comes next. Do I draw a line and say never again  or is there still room for hope?

Let’s be honest, I’m no spring chicken. I’ve lived, I’ve loved, and I’ve been hurt more times than I care to count. And sometimes I genuinely wonder if it’s worth it anymore. I’ve always said I don’t need to be with someone I choose to be. I know how to stand on my own two feet. I always have.

But when the same story keeps repeating, when love keeps ending in pain, it’s hard not to ask yourself whether throwing in the towel might actually be self preservation. Whether saying enough is enough is strength, not failure.

Right now, I don’t have a neat answer. Some days I feel like closing the door for good. Other days, a small part of me still believes there must be another way a way to love without losing myself, to hope without breaking.

Maybe this isn’t about giving up or giving in. Maybe it’s about pausing, protecting my heart, and deciding on my own terms what I will and won’t accept anymore.

And maybe asking “what the hell am I supposed to do now?” is exactly where healing begins.

I hope I haven’t bored you with my reflections. I wanted to share the other side of Debbie Donut because I’m not all smiles and laughs all of the time. I’m human. I get confused. I get upset. And sometimes I need to sit quietly with my thoughts.

I know, though, that as soon as I see my children and my grandchildren, I’ll be alright. They ground me. They remind me who I am and why my heart stays open, even when it’s been hurt.

I shared this moment not for sympathy, but as a time of reflection a chance to look honestly at my own actions, my patterns, and the way I give so much of myself. And yes, maybe… just maybe… it’s time I start putting myself first.

Not by hardening my heart, but by protecting it. By choosing myself with the same care and kindness I so freely give to others.

And that feels like a good place to begin.